Understanding Interoception and Alexithymia
Some people feel emotions deeply, but can’t describe them. Others are asked what’s wrong, and genuinely don’t know. This isn’t avoidance, denial, or being dramatic. It’s something far less talked about: a disconnect between the body and the brain.
This disconnect is often caused by something called alexithymia, and its roots go deeper into the body’s lesser-known sense: interoception.
What is Interoception?
Interoception is your internal sense, the way your brain receives signals from inside your body.
It tells you things like:
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You’re hungry
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Your heart is beating fast
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You need the toilet
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You feel hot, cold, tired, or tense
It’s how you know what’s going on inside you, and how your body gives your brain clues about your emotional state.
Without it, or with a weak connection, emotions don’t come through clearly.
What is Alexithymia?
Alexithymia is when someone struggles to:
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Notice what they’re feeling emotionally
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Put emotions into words
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Link body sensations to emotional meaning
It’s not a disorder. It’s a trait, often seen in autistic people, those with ADHD, or people with trauma backgrounds. It’s not about being “emotionless”, it’s about not having a clear internal signal system.
The Link Between the Two
Alexithymia is believed to come from disrupted or underdeveloped interoception. If the brain isn’t receiving clear signals from the body, emotions get lost in translation.
So instead of:
“My chest feels tight, I must be anxious,”
…someone might just feel off. Unsettled. Angry, maybe. Or nothing at all.
They might cry and not know why. They might freeze in conflict and be called distant. They might be overwhelmed by emotions they can't name, and feel ashamed of not having answers.
What This Looks Like in Real Life
Here are some examples to help recognise what alexithymia and poor interoception might look like day-to-day:
In Childhood
A child throws things across the room when asked to do homework. Adults label it as defiance.
In reality, the child is anxious, but they can’t feel the racing heart, the tight chest, or the sinking feeling in their stomach. All they feel is rage.
In Relationships
One partner asks, “What’s going on? Are you upset with me?”
The other replies, “I don’t know.” Not because they’re hiding something, but because they genuinely can’t access what they feel.
At School
A teen is told to focus, but zones out. They feel irritable, tired, or emotional, but can’t explain it.
Underneath, they might be overwhelmed, overstimulated, or physically uncomfortable, and unaware of it.
In Adulthood
A person goes through life feeling emotionally flat. Not depressed, but disconnected. They describe themselves as “numb,” “blank,” or “fine” all the time.
When asked what they need or want, they often struggle to answer.
In Moments of Meltdown or Shutdown
Sometimes emotions hit all at once, like a flood, with no warning. A person who seemed calm five minutes ago is now in tears or walking out of a room.
That’s what happens when internal signals are missed. It’s not impulsivity, it’s build-up without awareness.
Why This Needs to Be Understood
People with alexithymia are often judged:
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For being cold or distant
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For not communicating “properly”
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For not recognising their own needs
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For being emotionally immature or unpredictable
But these aren’t personality flaws.
There are differences in internal awareness.
When interoception doesn’t give clear messages, emotions can’t be read, named, or expressed the way others expect. This can lead to misunderstanding, isolation, and shame.
The Takeaway
If someone can’t tell you how they feel, it doesn’t mean they don’t care, or that nothing is happening inside them.
It may mean their body and brain aren’t speaking the same language.
And for many, especially those who are autistic or ADHD, this has been their entire life.
Recognising this isn’t just about being informed, it’s about creating space for people to be understood as they are, not judged for how they express themselves.
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