Seven Nervous Systems Under One Roof

 

Seven Nervous Systems Under One Roof

(An example of what mornings can look like in a large neurodivergent household)

Imagine a house where everyone is autistic, ADHD, or both.

Two parents, five children. Seven nervous systems, each with different resilience levels, sensory profiles, and temperaments. In many families like this, parents only recognise their own traits after learning about their child’s diagnosis, and suddenly the past starts to make sense.

The house runs on a mix of PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance), RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria), caffeine, and fierce loyalty. The same event can set off entirely different reactions in each person. 

Here’s what that might look like.

Meet the Example Family

Parent A – The Juggler

• Warm, thoughtful, easily overstimulated.
• Primary response: Flight — retreats when overwhelmed.
• Can’t stand certain food smells; high-pitched noises are painful.
• Needs long recovery after conflict, but can create calm like magic.

Parent B – The Anchor

• Mostly steady, but quick to defend when sensing injustice.
• Primary response: Fight — direct and prote
• Noise is fine, clutter is not.
• Practical problem-solver with a blunt edge.

Child 1 (15) – The Advocate

• Outspoken, justice-driven.
• Primary response: Fight — verbal battles when boundaries are crossed.
• Sound-sensitive; often uses headphones.
• Fierce protector of siblings.

Child 2 (13) – The Dreamer

• Gentle, imaginative, avoids conflict.
• Primary response: Flight — withdraws to their room.
• Clothing textures can cause distress.
• Creative storyteller.

Child 3 (11) – The Spark

• High-energy, impulsive.
• Primary response: Fight or fawn — varies by situation.
• Sensation-seeker — loud music, bright lights.
• Brings the family together for spontaneous fun.

Child 4 (8) – The Sensor

• Highly attuned to emotional shifts in the room.
• Primary response: Freeze — shuts down quietly.
• Overwhelmed by crowds and bright lights.
• Deeply empathetic.

Child 5 (6) – The Dynamo

• Bold, curious, tests boundaries.
• Primary response: Fight — driven by determination.
• Constant movement; dislikes scratchy clothes.
• Fearless explorer.

One Morning, Two Perspectives

From the Parent’s Point of View

Breakfast is half-made when the message arrives, and the school bus is delayed by 30 minutes.

That half-hour might sound small, but in a house like this, it’s enough to shake the whole routine.

The Advocate starts pacing the hallway, voice rising about missing first period.

The Dreamer retreats to their bedroom, music up, door shut.

The Spark begins building a LEGO city on the kitchen table, the same table where breakfast is served.

The Sensor stands at the bottom of the stairs, frozen, staring at their shoes.

The Dynamo sprints through the living room in pyjamas and one sock, tea towel cape trailing behind.

Parent A and Parent B exchange a glance — silent communication.

Headphones are passed to The Advocate. Toast is quietly left for The Dreamer. The Sensor gets a gentle shoulder tap to bring them back. The Spark is encouraged to move the LEGO to a tray.

To an outsider, it might look chaotic, but to the parents, it’s a balancing act, adjusting demands, soothing rising stress, pacing the morning so it doesn’t tip into full dysregulation.

From an Outside Observer’s Point of View

Walking into this house mid-morning, the first impression is noise and clutter.

One teenager paces while talking loudly, another is shut away in their room. A LEGO city has taken over the breakfast table. Toast is burning in the toaster. A small child zooms past, shouting about saving the world.

Shoes are scattered in the hallway, coats are piled on the sofa, and bags are left by the door. Three sound sources compete, music from a bedroom, kitchen clatter, and superhero commentary.

It could seem like no one is in control.

But looking closer, there’s a quiet choreography:

• A parent lowers their voice to calm a pacing teen.
• A plate of toast appears silently at a bedroom door.
• A gentle shoulder tap brings a frozen child back into the moment.

What appears as disorganisation is actually careful, constant regulation, the kind you only see if you know where to look.

The Bigger Picture

In households like this, “resilience” is not a fixed trait, it’s a fluctuating energy reserve shaped by sensory load, emotional safety, and the day’s demands.

The same event, a delayed bus, might trigger:

• Fight in one child
• Flight in another
• Freeze in another
• Over-activity in another

PDA can mean even small requests need careful negotiation.

RSD can mean a sigh or a neutral comment feels like rejection.

And dysregulation can be contagious, but so can calm.

Hidden Strengths

These households can be loud, unpredictable, and cluttered, but also deeply connected, creative, and protective.

Family members develop acute awareness of each other’s states. They can spot a shift in tone or posture in seconds. There’s shared humour that outsiders might not understand, but it binds the group together.

It’s not always easy, but it’s not broken.

If you only see the noise, you’ll miss the music.