Who’s Raising Our Children — Parents or the Government?

 

Who’s Raising Our Children — Parents or the Government?

There’s a lot of talk at the moment about “free childcare”, a system that’s meant to bring choice, financial relief, and support. On the surface, it looks like a win for families. But scratch beneath that surface and you’re left wondering: who’s really raising our children, and at what cost to their milestones?

The Illusion of Choice

Yes, using free childcare is optional, parents aren’t legally forced into it. But when the system makes working financially more viable only if childcare is in place, it begins to feel more like pressure than choice.

For many, especially those on Universal Credit, childcare support is only available if you are working. That means the economic structure effectively pushes parents back into work, even if they’d prefer to spend more time with their children in those early years.

The Missing Milestones and Rising Pressure on Schools

By encouraging parents into employment earlier and earlier, while offering “free” nursery hours, we risk overlooking some of the most important years of a child’s development.

Children learn so much from their parents in the first five years, not just talking and playing, but the everyday milestones that set them up for school. Toilet training, language development, social interaction within the family, and learning daily routines all come from having time with mum, dad, or a close caregiver.

It’s no surprise then that many Reception teachers report children starting school who are not yet toilet trained, who struggle with communication, or who aren’t emotionally ready for the classroom environment. These aren’t failings of the children, they’re symptoms of a system that prioritises economic productivity over family presence.

The Statistics Tell the Story

One in four children in England and Wales start Reception not toilet trained, according to teachers (Kindred2, 2024).

Teachers report spending around a third of their day supporting children with personal care and “school readiness”, rather than teaching.

Some children are starting school unable to climb stairs or sit on the carpet due to weak core strength.

Nearly half of teachers (49%) say that school readiness has worsened over the past year.

While 90% of parents believe their child is ready for school, only one in three teachers agree.

Nurseries Do Their Best, But…

Of course, nurseries and early years settings do incredible work. Many are warm, nurturing places that help children thrive. But they can never fully replace what a parent provides. A nursery worker may be brilliant at supporting learning through play, but they won’t always be there for those first steps, that moment a child learns to use the potty, or the comfort needed after a nightmare.

Those belong to parents, if only they are given the space and time to be there.

Are We Handing Over Childhood Too Soon?

It begs the question: who benefits most from “free” childcare? Parents who want to work certainly gain financial relief. The government gains a workforce with fewer parents “locked out” by childcare costs. But what about the children?

If we rush children into institutional care before they are ready, and rush parents back into work before they are ready, we risk undermining the very foundations of early childhood.

Time to Rethink “Choice”

This isn’t an argument against childcare, many families rely on it and many children thrive. But what families really need isn’t pressure to go back to work or the illusion of choice, it’s genuine options.

Parents should be able to decide whether to stay at home longer with their children or use early years care, without feeling punished either way.

Raising children isn’t just about school readiness or ticking developmental boxes. It’s about being present, guiding them through milestones, and giving them the best possible start in life. That’s something no government policy should take away.

Final Thought

“If we want confident, secure children arriving at school ready to learn, we must value parents as their first teachers, not just as workers filling gaps in the economy. Let’s reclaim those milestones and protect parent–child time, before the state takes over.”