Why Do I Think Like This? Suicidal Thoughts, Autism, ADHD and the Pain of Feeling Constantly Criticised

 

Why Do I Think Like This?

Suicidal Thoughts, Autism, ADHD and the Pain of Feeling Constantly Criticised

If you are reading this because you feel like you are always getting it wrong, like people are judging you, like you are a failure, or even like you don’t deserve to exist, take a moment.

You are not broken. You are not alone. And there may be a reason your brain is making you feel this way.

When Your Mind Feels Like the Enemy

Many autistic and ADHD people experience suicidal thoughts. These thoughts can happen even when things look okay from the outside. The thoughts often come from a deep sense of:

Feeling like a burden, feeling misunderstood all the time, believing you are too much or never enough, thinking you have let everyone down, replaying everything you said or did and cringing inside

This is emotional pain. And it is real. Not attention-seeking. Not weakness. Just pain. Pain that loops around in your brain and does not know how to let go.

What Is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, or RSD, is something many autistic and ADHD people live with every day. It means your brain reacts to rejection or criticism as if it were danger. Not just a bit upsetting, more like panic, shame, and fear all at once.

This can show up as:

Worrying when someone does not text back, Feeling crushed by a neutral comment from a teacher or manager, Spiralling into shame after a normal conversation, Saying sorry over and over to avoid conflict, Hiding parts of yourself so you don’t get judged

It is exhausting. And if you do not know why this is happening, it can make you feel like the problem must be you.

It’s Not Just Being Sensitive

You might have heard things like You are too sensitive You are overthinking You just need to toughen up

But this is not just sensitivity. This is your brain reading situations through a different lens. Autism and ADHD both affect how you process emotions, social situations and memories.

So when someone gives feedback, your brain may hear it as rejection. When you make a small mistake, your brain may scream danger, When someone walks away, your brain may tell you they hate you

That is RSD. And over time, it can create a constant feeling of not being good enough. It is easy to see how these thoughts could become dark. Not because you want to die, but because you want the pain to stop.

OCD-Like Thinking

Sometimes, this emotional pain turns into obsessive thinking. You might find yourself:

Replaying conversations again and again, trying to “fix” or undo social mistakes, making rules in your head to keep people from leaving, panicking over something someone said a week ago

These patterns are similar to OCD, But they can also show up in ADHD and autism, especially when RSD is involved

You are not being dramatic. Your brain is doing its best to protect you. It just hasn’t learned how to tell the difference between small things and threats

So What Can Help

First, realise this is not your fault. You are not weak. You are not broken. You are living in a brain that reacts differently

Here are some first steps that can help

Recognise when RSD is happening. Learn to name it. Practice pausing before reacting. Learn more about ADHD, autism and emotional regulation. Find people who understand, whether that is a friend, a therapist or a support group. Start talking kindly to yourself, even when your brain says you don’t deserve it

You Are Not Your Thoughts

Suicidal thoughts are not always about wanting to die. They are often about not knowing how to live with the pain

But there is a reason behind your pain. It is not that you are weak. It is because your brain is overwhelmed

When you learn what RSD is, when you understand how ADHD and autism affect your emotions, you begin to understand that your brain is not against you

It is just scared, tired and trying to keep you safe

There is help for this. There are ways to feel better. And you do not have to keep fighting your mind alone

You deserve to live. You deserve to feel safe. You deserve to understand yourself